The stillness of the night is music in itself. I've no idea why I'm still up. I guess the tranquility of this night lures me away from sleep. Wish I could walk alone in the park now, with the rows of streetlamps lighting up my path.
Have you ever wondered what sleep is all about. It's more than the resting of the human body. Sometimes, you wish you could hit the sack straight away and never wake up. Life's gotten to such a point when you're afraid to face reality again. So sleep is but a route away from your troubles, a realm where you're free to be yourself. Then again, sometimes, you're so afraid of sleep. Sleep, is like a portal that jumps you forward in time. Life sucks, and you really want to shut out everything you're facing. But sleep is so intimidating, cause you know that the moment you close those eyes, the very thing that stares you in the face when you open them is life itself, fresh and awake, ready to agonise your half-battered body once again.
Yes, I'm afraid of sleeping tonight.
I'm afraid of time slipping me by. It's so hard to face life now, I can't really explain why. Or rather, I gave up explaining a long time ago. People try to understand, and they ask, they emphathise. Yet some feelings are so individualistic, that try as they might, they can never enter your world of thoughts and emotions.
Each day passes as he slips away slowly. No one ever notices, even as the colours fade from his face; even as he grows increasingly thin. Each step he takes brings him closer to the edge, a place where weeks ago, he feared the aura that surrounded it, something that made his skin tingle and his hair stand on their ends. Yet now, that darkness is a cool sensation that evaporates on his skin, oh, how he longs to fall into it. He moves forward.
"No one ever notices.."But I do. I stand behind this invisible window, watching as that little boy drags his brittle body slowly towards the end of the world. I yell for him to stop, turn back, anything but to continue forward. But my screams were silent, they never reached him.
The stillness of night is music in itself.
And that music,
it's soothing..
8.36 P.M
Happy Birthday, Eve.
Happy belated Birthday, Fiona.
9.42 P.M
I'm studying for my Economics test now. It's comforting to shut out all the stupid thoughts running in my head as the music from Winamp blasts from the speakers. Feels good.
10.02 P.M
With or without you?
I'll pick without.
10.25 P.M
I wish you would learn to take care of yourself.
10.41 P.M
I love my playlist. Or rather, the dark music that's playing itself out now.
Almost, human-like. I think it's trying to tell me something.
11.12 P.M
I'm sad. Why? Don't tell you.
11.14 P.M
Oh! I like this song. (: Disney songs are loveee.
11.21 P.M
I'm sidetracking alot. I shall be nice and give myself a five minutes break.
... Okay, make it ten.
11.34 P.M
I swear I'll run away one day.
I'm heading back to my room to study. Goodnight world.
I'm a good boy.
Cause..
I eat my meals everyday. :D
Michael Buble - Home.Feels like living outside of your body, staring as time and tide washed it away. Watching as the waves stringed the puppet that is your body, watching as they crashed the battered figure against the majectic boulders that stand tall in the sea.
But what was it in the past that made us moan and complain. Times of imperfection that glow the warmth of beautiful perfection, the dust over the paintings of past are only gold in disguise. Shimmer in the sunlight, oh what foolish creatures men are. Sometimes, the yearning for something more than what we could contain, more than what we are, seemed strangely the dreams of fools. The simple things in life hold the only key to what we desire, but we gave up that key in exchange for the chests of treasure. Walk the lonely path, tears run dry, but memories won't go. Even the rain didn't help this time.
Sniff, sniff.
I guess I just have a runny nose.
Words that cut like knife bleeds the soul.It's past three in the morning. Here I am, in front of the computer screen, huddled in my blanket, and blogging. Yes, insanity, but when emotions hit like you like a whirlwind and nobody else is there, who else but my trusty 'ol blog to turn to.
And we never knew how lost can be such a woeful feeling. Few, maybe none, would be able to understand the complexity of this situation.
We could leave this town, and run forever. Yeah, leaving this little island for good seems so perfect a plan. But you find it so hard to comprehend. Lost is much more than not finding your way back home. Lost is when you have not the slighest hint of where your home is. It is when you don't even know what a home means. It is when you feel the emptiness chewing away your insides in delight. It is when you feel like shipping yourself to a faraway place, never to return again. Lost, is a horrible feeling.
But I never do appear the way I feel.It's easier to deceive others, than to deceive yourself.
I wish I could spend the night out on an open field.
I'll gaze at the stars in the night sky.
I'll make plenty of wishes.
And then, I'll just fall asleep..
What can I say,
I'm a fool for you. (:
So small, yet still so proud.
At night before he dreams, he looks into the clouds.
A high flyer's what I want to be,
Seems they won't let me, says I'm too small.
I don't feel small at all.
Break my dreams, that's what they'll do.
Well I'm going to run away,
And learn to fly like you.
I'm going to go so high and swoop so low.
You can't bring me down, going to be so proud.
Little angel, you got to learn to fly.
Get up, and earn your wings tonight.
Little angel, just look into my eyes.
Get up, and earn your wings tonight.
Push and shove, then climb abroad.
This is the shuttle train to the top of the world.
When you look around, what do you see.
These are all high flyers,
But none of these high flyers look like me.
What is that supposed to mean?
What am I supposed to be?
I pull my way up through this crowd,
To find your body crushed on the ground.
It's so obvious, why couldn't you see?
That you can't go high flying without a pair of high-flyer wings.
Little one's broken, lying on the ground.
Trying to get up 'till his last breath out.
Wings are strewn everywhere, there's blood all around.
'Cause even angels die, but that light just fades.
It's so sad, but he'd be so proud.
Broken angel, you've got to learn to fly.
Get up, and earn your wings tonight.
Broken angel, just look into my eyes.
Get up, and earn your wings tonight.
Get up, and earn your wings,
Earn your wings tonight.
More of a thief than a heartbreaker. <3So I haven't been keeping to my promise. Not that I don't want to, you know? Today was a lovely day. It's been so long since everyone headed out together as a happy family. I love Dad and Mum, and my siblings alot. (: We had lunch together. And I'm glad. I don't know how to put it, but I guess the reason behind it can't be explained. Some things can never be explained. (:
And then, we failed to reach on time for service today. Hanged around for a little while,
my heart got crushed, before we headed down to town to play. Surprisingly, Pokemon was the main topic as wide-eyed people on the streets stared at us arguing over the adventures of our hero from Pallet Town. I miss being a little kid sometimes. There never were any worries to start with. The closest thing to any, was missing out on an episode of your favorite cartoon. (:
You see, I'm trying hard to be happy, just like I said I'd be. But the nights always seem a little harder, especially when you're hiding under the covers in bed. You miss the bedtime stories as rain pours outside. It's cold, and lonely.
Rain falls, angry on the tin roof. As night catches up on the little boy in bed,
it's when you always hang my heart out to dry.
See the stone set in your eyes.
See the thorn twist in your side.
I wait for you.I made a decision that I shall be a happy boy for the next three days. Okay, at least until Sunday night. :D Anyway, there are plenty of things to think about. Somehow, despite so much that happened over the week, I'm back here in front of the computer, with a silly grin on my face. It's the weekend, school's out, and the only one thing that's lacking is some.. rain.
Sleight of hand and twist of fate.
On a bed of nails she makes me wait.
And I wait without you.Haha okay, I know there's not much of a link. It's just that I find rainy days a pretty sight these days, it makes me happy. (:
Through the storm we reach the shore.
You give it all but I want more.
And I'm waiting for you.And all it takes,
A forlorn guitar,
A love serenade,
& your picture hanging on the bedroom wall. <3
With or without you.
I can't live, with or without you.
So you sail away,
Into a grey sky morning.
Now I'm here to stay,
Love can be so boring.Nothing's quite the same now.
I just say your name now.
So you stole my world,
Now I'm just a phony.
Remembering the girl,
Leaves me down and lonely.Send it in a letter,
Make yourself feel better.
But it's not so bad,
You're only the best I ever had.
You don't need me back,
You're just the best I ever had.
... But All Routes End Dead.As he showered in the bathroom, silently and alone, soap trickled down his body, tracing the scars of rejection and disdain. For a moment, time seemed to slow, and the earth ceased spinning. He shook away the spots in his head. As the sound of water drowned out his thoughts, something made him walk towards the lights.. and he switched them off. It felt familiar, darkness is his environment, and it had already made his heart its dwelling place. He knelt down. Around him, steam rose in the room, the warm water continued flowing from above, onto his head, and seeping across the floor.
But for all the faith he mustered, rejection was the venom that spun the webs of despair in his head. Inside, he laughed, mirth of ironies that conjured up strange images. Shadows crept across the walls into his heart, cackling in glee. He was tired of chasing them away. This time, he remained motionless. He closed his eyes. He could hear the clock ticking.
The gentle rhythm lured him far away, and he felt peaceful. But soon, he found himself in the cold darkness again. Yet drug had already taken its full effect. He lusted for the taste of escape. How he wanted to savor it again. He took a step forward, attempting to once again, open the door away from reality. But the shadows would not allow him so. They grabbed him. And they pulled him back.
He opened his eyes. As the lights dimmed back on, he caught sight of a reflection in the mirror. Who.. was that? He wiped away the thin coating of mist on the mirror and looked again. The reflection, though still hazy, stared back. There was an uncanny resemblance. Yet the person in the mirror looked old, devoid of emotions.. cold. A face which told the story of loneliness and fear. Can this be him? It can't be.. it can't.
He staggered out of the bathroom. And Earth started spinning once again.
